not all the days are great ones

got a few notes from people commenting on my optimism and commending my ability to ¨stick it out¨and wanted to set the record straight. all is well, and i haven´t committed any malicious crimes, but life aint easy. twice i have written lengthy posts that belie some of the misery that can set in when living in a situation like this. both times the generator gave out before the post was saved - once on the casa computer, and once when all of the electricity in town went out for the entire afternoon - it was well over 100 degrees that day. maybe that was some form of fate stepping in... imagine how rosy i was after that, and not a cold beverage in sight! i often liken it to the jungle - everything here grows bigger and faster, and so do our emotional reactions. the lows feel lower than normal and are just as extreme as the euphoria of the highs. after 28 straight days of work i am tired. it will be 5 weeks without a day off by the time i arrive in chicago and believe me that this is not ideal for me, my partners, or the kids. really ready to come home for a break, some serious hugs, and temporarily escaping the feeling that i can´t get anything done, i don´t make a difference, and these kids will never learn to read well, say please, or be accountable for their actions. those are the real downer moments. also, that i´m not doing anything as well as i can because i´m too tired. and that these kids won´t have consistent vegetables for so much of their childhood that they will be permanently affected.

one of the girls lost a tooth and gave it to my partner chini, also one of our nurses. she forgot to tell me so that i could put a treat under her pillow and take the tooth. they call it the little rat here - no fairies. actually, if she didn´t have her mosquito net it definitely could be rat under her pillow (stacy woke up with a rat biting her toe through her mosquito net the other night...). anyway, she woke up to still find her tooth there. she asked chini if the ratito didn´t want her tooth. she told her no no - it´s because there are so many beds in your room, he couldn´t find you. the girl said, oh good, i thought maybe he didn´t want it because it´s black. her tooth is decayed straight through, with a hole you can see through. the next morning there was a bag hanging on our door so that ratito could make sure we got the treat to her. normally it´s some candy and 1 quetzal - guatemalan money - about 20 cents. i slipped a toothbrush in too...

all my love and thanks for staying in touch with me here on the blog... it means a lot on those inevitable bad days. chicago here i come!

s